Shake your money maker

[oxfordhacker]

Over the years, I have come up with several sure-fire money-making ideas (often, for some reason, in conversation and collaboration with mr_snips). Thus far, I have yet to bring any of them to fruition. So, rather then leaving them languishing on my PDA, I thought I would share them with you, my dynamic and talented readers. By combining my brains and your diverse resources, we can all end up rich enough to live out our most garish and decadent fantasies (For me: an android Angelina Jolie; for you: Daniel Radcliffe and John Sim acting out your Harry Potter/Life on Mars slash.)
Here's the first idea:

Squassage^TM

The demographic	Young urban professionals with wishy-washy New Age leanings. Perhaps the ideal customers, combining disposable income and gullibility.
The pitch	Relaxing massage, meditative peace, and an encounter with nature's majesty... all in your lunch-hour.
The reasoning	Things that hippies like: Flotation tanks Massage Swimming with dolphins Things that yuppies like: Efficiency Multi-tasking Spending money
The requirements	Flotation tanks (size XL) Marine biologist/psychologist Squid
The advert	What could be more relaxing than half an hour in flotation tank? How about half an hour in a flotation tank while being massaged? Slip into one of our tanks and bask, floating in the darkness with nothing to concentrate on but a little light New Age music, and the unique sensation of being kneaded in 10 places at once. Relax in the embrace of strong yet sensitive tentacles as our trained squid suck your tension away...
The possibilities	Inject tanning cream into the squid's ink sacs, and customers could come out with a healthy tan as well. Now that's what I call multi-tasking. Worn out squid could be sold as fresh calamari to nearby restaurants Massage 'with relief' could be a popular extra with certain groups: The very jaded 'Animal lovers' Hentai fans People who have ethical qualms about the exploitation of sex workers, but are in dire need of an expert orgasm SF author Jeff Vandermeer This may well be technically legal, or at least be an exploitable grey area

If you'd like to be involved but have only some of the required components (perhaps some surplus sensory deprivation tanks from a CIA secret prison, or a squid with a particularly talented beak) just comment here, and I'll get you in touch with suitable other people. All I ask is 10% of the profits when they come rolling in!

Comments

This may well be technically legal, or at least be an exploitable grey area

[celestialweasel.livejournal.com]

If only 70% of ones conversations didn't include that phrase at some point.

[(Anonymous)]

I am doomed to wander the Earth as "the squid guy". Sigh...

Carry on...

JeffV

I regret nothing

[oxfordhacker.livejournal.com]

I was initially mortified by this comment. On reflection, however, I realised that before making this post I had, instinctively, tested it against Rule #1 of blogging (arguably of all communication): 'What if this person found out what I'm saying about them?'
I did think twice at this point. Then, I thought of City Of Saints And Madmen (http://www.amazon.co.uk/City-Saints-Madmen-Jeff-VanderMeer/dp/0330418939/ref=sr_1_1/202-1397378-7880616?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1177183934&sr=8-1) and thought 'Hell, he's asking for it.'

Re: I regret nothing

[(Anonymous)]

Ha! Yes, I did deserve it. LOL. Thought it most funny--forwarded the link to Mike Moorcock, among others.

JV

[applez.livejournal.com]

You know, I see that has some odd potential. ;-)

But what are you going to do to reduce suction-damage of your client's tissues? I see liability! ;-D

[motodraconis.livejournal.com]

I feel I must protest on behalf of Squid Rights, at least the selling off to restaurants bit.
Venerable Squidlings should be pensioned off proper.

[vinaigrettegirl.livejournal.com]

*snortle*. Thank you, excellent.